Our Long National Nightmare is Over – Bioware Updates Photo of Imaginary Alien Girlfriend, Nerds Everywhere Rejoice

There is a classic SNL sketch that I remember from my childhood. In it, Bill Shatner is at a Star Trek convention being inundated with very specific questions. Dumbfounded by the detailed questions, Shatner finally tells the audience that they need to “get a life, it’s just a TV show.”

I’m a gamer, that should be obvious, but I never understood the uproar over a photo of imaginary alien girlfriend, Tali, from the Mass Effect trilogy. People need to get a life, it’s just a videogame.

After gamers spent hours romancing and fake porking Tali, apparently Bioware ruined the fantasy by not making her exotic enough is a small throw away cinematic later in the trilogy. To be clear, you never see her face in the game to begin with. She keeps her helmet out the entire time. Even in post coital bliss she’s in full gear. However, gamers were most taken out of the moment by this:

Credit: Some memelord

The answer is no. Bioware is not trying, because anyone in their right mind does not give a shit. The people who have a problem with this are the reason some people still look down at gamers. It perpetuates the myth that gamers are desperate creeps with a warped sense of reality.

I totally forgot that this was even a thing, but Bioware had to fuck with it and open up this old can of worms by “fixing” the problem.

You just couldn’t help yourself Bioware. You had to dredge this fetid fanboy shit back up from the depths. Just read this Reddit and cringe.

Speaking of fanboy shit, I’m loving the back and forth between Xbox and PS5 fans. I have both systems, so I don’t give a flying fuck, but Xbox fans have been putting up with crap for a long time and they are letting years of animosity out against Sony fanboys. Childish? You bet. Toxic? No doubt. But, it’s absolutely delicious watching this from the sidelines.

EA CEO Claims Anthem is Not Dead While Leading the Game Behind a Shed Holding a Shotgun and Shovel

Anthem is not a great game. At times it’s not even a good game. It’s an average game, which is extremely disappointing, because BioWare and EA put a lot of resources behind this title.

BioWare and EA have also been going through a rough stretch lately. Anthem was supposed to be something special, from a developer that brought us the magical Mass Effect series, well Mass Effect 1 and 2 anyways. Mass Effect 3 was okay and Mass Effect Andromeda was a steaming pile of shit. As for EA, where does one start with all the problems they have.

So when GameDaily.biz caught up with EA CEO Andrew Wilson to get the skinny on all things EA and the topic of Anthem came up, his responses did not seem all that reassuring.

“IP lives for generations, and runs in these seven to ten year cycles. So, if I think about Anthem on a seven to ten year cycle, it may not have had the start that many of us wanted, including our players. I feel like that team is really going to get there with something special and something great, because they’ve demonstrated that they can.”


I’m sorry, I don’t get warm and fuzzies from this. Wilson is talking about IP in the long term, so maybe Anthem lives on, but this iteration does not look too promising.

Wilson goes on by saying:

“We’re going to have our core BioWare audience that’s been with us for a really long time. There are kids today who are 12 years old who weren’t around when BioWare started making games… and they have different expectations of what a BioWare game should be in the context of the world they’ve grown up in. As a result of that, BioWare has to evolve and has to expand and has to test the elasticity of that brand. The teams at BioWare will continue to come to work every day and listen to their players old and new and seek to deliver on the promises they’ve made to those players. That’s what you’re seeing with Anthem today.”


If I was on the BioWare team and heard that, my ass would clench up. That is not necessarily a ringing endorsement.

I like BioWare and I’m not the 12-year-old kid that Wilson is referring to. I remember when BioWare put out some amazing shit, and I hope they get their mojo back. I guess we’ll see when Dragon Age: The Dread Wolf Rises comes out.

BioWare’s Anthem (Don’t call it a delay) Delayed To 2019

Bioware has been going through a rough stretch. Mass Effect 3 was a good game that rubbed some fans the wrong way. Calling the “reboot” that was Mass Effect: Andromeda a bad game would be an understatement. I think of it more of a dumpster fire than a game and I’m a hardcore fan of the series.

One can say that the pressure is mounting for the developer to release a critically acclaimed game. That can totally explain why Bioware would want or even need to take some additional time to ensure that Anthem is super polished and ready to wow gamers. Just don’t call it a delay. Because according to EA’s Blake Jorgensen, this is totally not a delay guys, even though the publisher previously stated that game would have a “fall 2018” release.

According to EA Chief Executive Andrew Wilson, the delay has nothing to with the game being behind schedule, or needing extra polish to ensure that it meets expectations of demanding gamers, but a delay simply makes sense for EA’s bottom line.

During an earnings call, Wilson stated that, “We’ve chosen to launch Anthem in Q4, and the date is really determined by portfolio-balancing considerations, not for product-readiness reasons… It doesn’t make sense to launch ‘Anthem’ right up next to Battlefield and when you think about Anthem as a brand new [intellectual property], we also believe it makes sense to give Anthem its own launch window so that we can give it the focus and attention it deserves and give it free air.”

So they want to give Anthem room to breathe and not get cannibalized by the competition, like the time when Titanfall 2 was released against Battlefield 1, both EA properties. Okay, so totally not a bad thing and proof that EA can actually learn from past mistakes.

EA has denied a report from Kotaku stating the Anthem is delayed due to issues in development.

Bioware is Working on Something New

BioWare, the creators of the Mass Effect series has something new in the works, according to an EA investor call that took place on January 31.

After the call, BioWare general manager Aaryn Flynn followed up with a blog post stating that this is going to be “a unique IP that will bring players together in exciting new ways…”

Flynn went on to say, “In 2012, we began crafting a new universe full of new characters, stories, and gameplay. Our ambition is simple: Draw upon 20+ years of development knowledge and lessons to create something fun and new for you to enjoy with your friends.”

Daniel Ahmed, an analyst for Niko Partners that covers the gaming market in China and Southeast Asia, claims to have some inside information and posted some tidbits regarding this new IP on Twitter.

Sounds interesting. Perhaps EA’s answer to Destiny?

Happy N7 Day – Here’s a Cinematic Trailer

Today is November 7 which means Mass Effect: Andromeda news are in order. And BioWare didn’t disappoint by releasing an impressive trailer today.

The trailer is heavy on the theatrics, which is fine by me. BioWare is promising to show off game play at The Game Awards 2016 show on December 1.

Mass Effect: Andromeda is scheduled for release Spring 2017.